First dates can be nerve-wracking. What if they don’t look like their picture? What if you can’t think of anything to talk about? People took to a Reddit thread this week to share some of the things they’ve experienced on first dates which immediately turned them off that prospective partner.
“Being constantly on their phone” was one person’s deal-breaker, which seems fair enough; you have the rest of your lives to ignore each other and scroll through Twitter, but the first date is for actually getting to know the person sitting across from you.
Phones came up elsewhere on the thread, too, with one commenter recalling how a date kept asking them questions about their former relationships, using clues they had gleaned from researching them on social media. While we’re on the subject of phone etiquette:Uuse an up to date picture in your dating profile, people will notice. And then there was this particularly egregious example: “I glanced over to see a guy arranging a hookup on his phone during a date with me. I was totally floored.” As far as deal-breakers go, “planning to sleep with somebody else while your date is still in the room” is up there.
Being rude to the server is also high up on the list; it’s seen as a red flag and a clue as to what kind of person your date really is. Similarly, one-sided conversations and self-involvement are other common turn-offs, with a number of commenters expressing frustration at dates who talk about themselves without ever actually asking a question.
There are also, it turns out, people out there who treat first dates as a cheap form of therapy. One commenter cites “suddenly unloading all their baggage on the first date” as a deal-breaker, adding: “I can’t help you. I’m not looking to get into a relationship with someone who is codependent, I want to date a man who can be a life partner.”
Playing “hard to get” is an instant deal-breaker for a lot of guys, especially when it comes from an outdated, gendered point of view. “Whatever guy told girls that we like them playing ‘hard to get’ needs to be taken behind a tool shed and shot,” one commenter wrote. “I have never, not once in my entire life, met a guy that liked a girl playing hard to get. Every single man (and a few lesbians) I’ve ever known has complained at least once about “hard to get” being a bunch of bullshit.”
They added: “‘Hard to get’ is also a contributor to many harassment issues. The dumbasses that play hard-to-get are the ones teaching people that ‘no doesn’t mean no’. Anyone that’s ever done this needs to be ashamed of themselves and grow up.”
Other gendered expectations have proven to be less conducive to romance than they might have been in the past; a lot of men don’t like it when a woman expects him to pay, while a few female commenters said it’s the guys who get shirty when they want to pay for themselves. On a related note, expecting or demanding sex at the end of the night, regardless of how well or not the date has gone, isn’t a good look on anyone. These aren’t transactions, people!