Lifestyle

How to Make ‘Friends’ with Anxiety: A Simple Technique

Anxiety often feels like a relentless enemy — a constant, nagging voice that won’t let you breathe, think clearly, or simply enjoy life. But what if the key to easing anxiety isn’t fighting it, but befriending it?

While this might sound strange at first, many therapists and mindfulness practitioners suggest that anxiety becomes less overwhelming when you stop trying to get rid of it — and start getting curious about it instead.

Here’s a simple, science-backed technique that can help you start making peace with anxiety.

The Technique: Name It, Befriend It, Listen

1. Name It

Instead of trying to ignore anxiety or shove it aside, pause and identify it.

Ask yourself:

  • What am I feeling right now?
  • Where do I feel it in my body? (Tight chest? Racing heart? Knotted stomach?)
  • What thoughts are coming with it?

Label the feeling without judgment: “This is anxiety.”
By naming the emotion, you engage the thinking part of your brain (the prefrontal cortex), which helps calm the emotional part (the amygdala). It’s a proven technique used in mindfulness-based therapies: “Name it to tame it.”

2. Befriend It

This is where the real shift happens. Imagine your anxiety as a character — not a monster, but a messenger. What if anxiety wasn’t here to destroy your peace, but to get your attention?

Try saying:

  • “Hello, anxiety. I see you.”
  • “You’re back. What are you trying to tell me?”
  • “Thanks for showing up — I know you’re trying to protect me.”

It might sound odd, but treating anxiety as a friend rather than an intruder can reduce resistance and soften your experience. After all, resistance often adds fuel to the fire.

3. Listen with Curiosity

Instead of spiraling into “Why am I anxious again?” — ask with openness:

  • “What might I need right now?”
  • “Is there something I’m avoiding or afraid of?”
  • “Is there a deeper need — like rest, connection, or reassurance — that I’m missing?”

Curiosity shifts you from panic mode into problem-solving mode. You start exploring rather than reacting. And more often than not, anxiety is just pointing to something you haven’t fully processed or acknowledged yet.

Why This Works

This technique is rooted in principles from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), and even ancient philosophies like Buddhism. All suggest a radical idea: that healing begins when we stop resisting our emotions and start relating to them.

When you befriend anxiety:

  • You build resilience, not just relief.
  • You stop being afraid of fear.
  • You learn to trust yourself more, even when emotions feel big.

A Real-Life Example

Let’s say you’re about to give a presentation and anxiety hits hard. Your heart pounds, your palms sweat, your brain fogs over.

Try this:

“Okay, this is anxiety. I feel it in my chest and hands. It’s here because I care about doing well. Thanks, anxiety — you’re trying to help me prepare. But I’ve got this.”

By turning toward it instead of away from it, you might feel a surprising wave of calm — or at least enough clarity to take the next step.

Final Thoughts

You don’t have to love anxiety. You don’t have to invite it over for dinner. But you can stop treating it like a villain and start seeing it as a misunderstood companion.

Anxiety is part of being human. But with a little curiosity, compassion, and presence, you can change your relationship with it — and maybe, in the process, change your life.

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